Coping with an unexpected pregnancy

3 min read

Pregnancy can be an extremely stressful time, especially if the pregnancy is unexpected! It is so important to allow yourself the space to process everything that you are experiencing. Keep reading below to find way to cope with an unexpected pregnancy. 

Unplanned/unexpected pregnancies

Unexpected pregnancies can cause significant distress. They should be treated with just as much compassion as any other pregnancy related complication. So many people suffer in silence because they are afraid they will be judged.

All too often pregnant people compare themselves to one another and fear speaking up due to unintentionally hurting another pregnant person’s feelings, a “parent/person in waiting,” or a person experiencing fertility challenges.

However, we have to be able to hold space for one another, despite our own personal history with pregnancy. No matter what our circumstances are, we all deserve to feel like we have agency in our own bodies. 

Risk factors

Unfortunately an unplanned/unexpected pregnancy does put you at increased risk of developing a perinatal mood disorder. This is due to the fact that the pregnant person has likely experienced acute symptoms of depression and anxiety throughout the duration of the pregnancy.

unexpected pregnancy

We know that a history of depression and anxiety, especially during the pregnancy does put the birth parent at risk.

Seeking therapy during your unplanned pregnancy is so important. We have a post here on how to search for an appropriate clinician who specializes in perinatal mood disorders. You deserve a space free of judgment where you can freely process your feelings.

Unplanned pregnancies can happen for a multitude of reasons, and it is extremely important for your clinician to understand your circumstances. Society can lack sympathy/empathy because pregnancy can appear to be quite avoidable.

However, it is not that simple. Nothing is 100%. Unplanned pregnancies can happen on oral contraception, IUD’s, and even condoms breaking.

Unfortunately, many insurance companies still ban any type of birth control due to the employer having certain religious affiliations. Many laws that were put in place to counteract these ordinances were reversed unfortunately.

Out of pocked costs for birth control can become extremely expensive as well.

Why do unplanned pregnancies feel so distressing?

Simply put, we need a sense of agency in our lives. When it comes to life altering decisions, it is very difficult to accept that we did not actively plan for something as major as having a child.

Pregnant people feel distressed for a multitude of reasons including previous history of perinatal mood disorders, history of complicated pregnancies, previous traumatic births, or just not feeling ready in general!

Situational stressors cannot be ignored in this situation. Perhaps the pregnant person is not in a place financially to have a child at this time. Bearing children also forces a pregnant person to stop working for a period of time.

The majority of postpartum people have to take an unpaid maternity leave or a very brief six week maternity/paternity leave. This notion alone can be extremely distressing. 

This person may no longer be with his/her partner or may have even been a victim himself/herself.

Unplanned pregnancies following previous losses/miscarriages can feel extremely triggering as well. Typically the parent has not has the chance to adequately mourn his/her previous loss and is now thrown into a brand new pregnancy.

This can cause a state of disassociation or persistent symptoms of depression and anxiety. 

Resources

  • There are free virtual support groups for coping with stress during pregnancy. While these are not geared towards unplanned pregnancies specifically, there certainly will be participants who can relate to your experience.
  • Kate shared her raw experience with an unplanned pregnancy here.  
  • If you are in need of affordable birth control options here a few:
    • Family planning agencies such as Planned Parenthood are great options
    • Online birth control subscription websites are also helpful such as this one.

Want more help? Deema is available to assist you with coping with your unplanned pregnancy during a video chat consult. You are not alone!

BOOK CONSULT NOW

 

Other helpful blog posts:

 

 

 

 

**This post is educational and not meant to take the place of your provider