Gender disappointment is a real thing. It happened to me and hit me harder than I ever would have imagined. You’re not alone if you are disappointed when you find out the gender of your baby and it’s not how you pictured it in your head. I was ashamed and embarrassed for how I reacted that my third and final baby was going to be boy. Keep reading below to hear my story and how I handled it.
It’s a… it’s a…?! Boy….???? Are you sure? I swore it was a girl this time…. I felt so different! I was nauseous, tired, had different cravings…I didn’t feel like this at all with the boys (I had twin boys for my first pregnancy). It HAS to be a girl…
Genetic testing doesn’t lie when it is a boy…a Y chromosome is a Y chromosome – this baby was 100% a boy. I started balling…
Gender disappointment is real.
Gender disappointment is a real thing. It happened to me and it hit me way harder than I ever would’ve imagined. I didn’t even know I cared as much as I did until that moment when the voicemail from the doctor’s office said “…and you are having another boy”. I am so embarrassed admitting I felt this way and feel so guilty because at the end of the day, the most important thing is a healthy baby – I know that. Anyone who knows me personally knows I am completely obsessed with my twin boys. I’m sure some of the emotions were fueled by those evil hormones, the rest perhaps because I knew my husband didn’t want anymore children. This was my last chance to have a daughter. Everyone had convinced me that this third baby was a girl (my mom even sent me a pink blanket…she is a little over the top sometimes) and I believed it!! I was in shock when I found out that my baby was a boy and all I could do was cry.
I remember telling my husband not to tell anyone my reaction as I was mortified of what they would think. Turns out, once I started talking to friends and other acquaintances my life, I wasn’t alone in these feelings. In fact, gender disappointment was way more common than I realized. The media these days depicts a “perfect family” as having a mix of girls and boys and subconsciously I’m sure this got in my head and the heads of many other expecting parents. I also am one of 6 and have sisters who I adore and wanted my sons to experience that relationship as well. I wanted my husband to have a little daddy’s girl to walk down the aisle one day. All of these thoughts flooded my head and for about 2 weeks after we found out we weren’t having a little girl, I would tear up.
Everything changed on the day he was born
Fast forward 6.5 months and Hudson (son #3) was born and was more than I could have ever hoped for! He is the happiest, easiest baby (and he sleeps!) I remember when he popped out, seeing his fuzzy blonde hair and bright blue eyes, how lucky I was to have this healthy baby as my son. I am only speaking for myself but after seeing him I never once wished that he were a girl. He was my perfect little boy.
You are not alone if you feel gender disappointment
For all those parents out there who have experienced gender disappointment know that it is OKAY and NORMAL! Allow yourself to have those feelings. Allow yourself to cry and grieve so you can process the information and move on. We all know that a healthy baby is the most important, but it is also okay to have wants for a particular gender baby and to be disappointed if it doesn’t turn out the way you had hoped.
After having this experience, and knowing how overjoyed I was when I laid eyes on baby Hudson, I would like to think that if we ever did have another baby, I wouldn’t care as much. But who knows! In the end, I am a boy mom for life to 3 happy, healthy, wild, loving boys and I can’t imagine it any other way!
If you want to read more about Natalie’s experience with her twins, read her blog post, “How to Navigate Twins.”
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